Noise

Ah the sweet life! My husband is home, I’m working, auditioning, school is looming ahead of me.  Things are really moving forward and I’m so happy.  But I’m so restless most of the time.  Is this the human condition? or this the “me” condition? Is there ever a time when you can just sit with yourself and loved ones and feel–content? I’m always thinking “I didn’t work out today yet, I should be doing a workout instead of sitting down.  But if I’m not going to workout then it just needs to be for this hour.  After this hour of watching West Wing with Dan I need to do something important.  What do I need to do? I paid a bill this morning, I should pay another bill. That audition is coming up – every second I’m not working on my voice or flexibility or strength is another minute I’m less prepared to get the job, its another minute I fall behind. Whats the meaning of my life? I’m not doing anything worthwhile am I? Some people work hard enough to deserve an hour to sit on the couch with their lover.  But I haven’t done enough yet.  What will we do after this is done? Should I make dinner for him or did we just eat? Man, this is why I’m out of shape, I don’t work hard enough, I’m lazy.  I had two hours this morning unaccounted for and what did I do? write emails and cruise online instead of doing pull ups and going for a job or working on music”.  The noise in my head is too loud.  and it goes on all the time.  But I look at my husband and he doesn’t seem to suffer the same way.  He pretty much is where he is at any one time.  How do I get there? What do you think about when you’re sitting down or there’s a random hour between work and whatever else you have to do? How do you maximise your life and feel content? No really, I’m asking!

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