Here’s an update for you. Things have been going really well!
I turned 33 on July 16. I love birthdays, they are like, the real New Years. I started celebrating on the 14th because I was off work and we happened to be in Santorini (my life is awesome) so I got to spend a fabulous day at a pool bar with a great view, delicious drinks and some really great people. We ended the night back on the ship with some sassy cocktails and baby got back on the dance floor. On the 16th we were in Greece and I had an MRI scheduled at the local hospital. I’ve since found out that I have a torn shoulder and a displaced acromion – sounds like bad news but actually I’m relieved to find out it’s something. I’ve found that just naming the pain lessens it and helps me function more normally ,it was not knowing if something was wrong, if it was severe or if I was just being a pussy with a little shoulder soreness, that was driving me nuts.
So revelation number one: I really missed being vegan. I don’t know how to explain it but it is who I am. Knowing that I am only consuming plants eases my soul. It’s selfish really and I’m willing to give myself this. Have I gained weight? Probably or maybe not, I don’t know, I’ve stayed away from the scale knowing it would just mess with my head. I do have a weigh in for work in tomorrow and I’m trying not to think about it. Who cares. If I did gain weight, well, I had been anyway. And if I didn’t, so what. I’ve been really diligent about not doing my old dieting behaviors. I swear I’ve never gone a whole week without writing down everything I eat since I was nine years old. And it’s quite nice, though I’ve re-downloaded MFP twice just to delete it again and also devised a few strict diets to follow in the past few weeks. I’ve eventually realized I was just indulging in my old stress relief habits. To be honest, all those years of disciplined food journaling and calorie counting never made me as skinny as I wanted to be anyway. So I have so much more space in my journal for sketches and plans and thoughts. More space in my journal=more space in my mind. I have to set this habit now because I know what I do when I get stressed, diet.
Secondly, I missed cardio and I’ve been able to do that again! I tried over and over whilst in keto but even walking on the treadmill was not happening. I ran for over an hour recently and felt great. I’ve been spending an hour-2 on the elliptical a few times a week because I have energy to burn! No more slogging through just to burn calories, no, I’m doing intervals and sweating with glee because I want to use up my energy and raise my fitness level. I’m hoping to get my base miles up so I can start pushing towards a half marathon, full and then in the next year I’d like to start working on ultra distances. It’s always been a distant goal,of mine and I think it’s time to close the distance 🙂
But perhaps most transforming right now is the revelations I’ve come to through reading Louise Hays “You Can Heal Your Life”. Interestingly it’s a book a singer I barely knew for a second gave me years ago. Seven to be exact. She was amazing and about the same age I am now. But, though I was having my own awakenings at the time, I wasn’t interested in self help and never read it. I don’t know what I did with that copy but I did lug it eventually to Singapore with me for two years while I ignored it but ironically began reading Deepak Chopra. It also came with me to Australia where I did not,read it but started following Tara Stiles. And now I don’t know where it is but I bought it on iBooks when someone casually asked if I’d read any Louise Hays. More irony, I have actually read three of her other books just last year. I assume I wasn’t ready for this particular of her books until now because I bought and read cover to cover You Can Heal Your Life in two days. Just this week. I actually really like reading it while on the elliptical, it pumps me up and it’s like my hour or two of affirmations and building myself up.
Some of the realizations have been pretty brutal but so so good. I guess I’m finally ready to see life as my own creation instead of reacting to circumstances I can’t control. Believing I bring experiences into my life gives me the power to choose what I want instead of living life like a victim. I LOVE that. And I believe it to be true.
This is an epic post so I’ll write the next one about specific revelations. This stuff is amazing! If you haven’t read any Louise Hay, check her out. I’m so inspired by her books, every one I’ve read!