Mirror Mirror

I have wrinkles on my forehead.  Its funny, I often forget how old I am.  I’m 32 years old.  People are always shocked when they hear that, for a few reasons, I’m sure.  It’s not that I look so young, although I know I’m blessed genetically with youthful looks.  And it helps that I’m a smaller woman, small features lend to a youthful appearance.  But I think most of it has to do with the fact that I’m a dancer on a cruise ship.  Most people don’t live the life I live at my age, therefore no one assumes I’m in my 30’s.  Including me.

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I’ve never really been afraid of aging. I always felt uncomfortable in my own skin, for as long as I can remember.  I was a very serious child and very focused through high school and University.  I didn’t party, I didn’t drink, I didn’t have boyfriends.  I thought about my future, I worked, I was devoutly religious, I read books about psychology, the historys surrounding various wars and terminal illnesses.  Looking ahead I would have never imagined I’d be living on a boat with my husband, dancing and entertaining, doing glittery shows and sleeping in until noon, drinking wine in exotic places before going back to nap in the middle of the day and then going for a run at sunset.   Don’t get me wrong, my life is not without its challenges. I don’t know when I’ll be employed again after each contract, leaving me to deplete my savings whilst bouncing back and forth between the US and Australia as I try to minimize time away from Dan (Nuts).  At my age, my job requires that I not only spend time working out daily – not just for vanity but to keep my job- but also that I deal with a certain level of pain, permanently and spend a lot of time (and sometimes money) on physical maintenance.  And of course as I’ve mentioned before, I’m so very far away from my loved ones.  I miss all the important life events and also the normal bonding ones like weekly phone calls, coffee dates and arguments.  But I digress.  All of this to say that even with a career with an average expiration date in your 20’s, aging has never bothered me.  I want the full life experience and I have not been disappointed.  My 20’s were so very full to bursting, rife with new experiences and heartache and sorrows, failures, breakups, first times, financial struggles and many hairstyles.  My thirties have bloomed so beautifully out of that chaos.  Its all been more than I could have hoped for and sometimes I just don’t know how it all came together so wonderfully. It’s certainly been despite my failures and my disorganization.  It’s like I tripped and instead of falling into a dark well because I wasn’t looking where I was going, I stumbled upon an island paradise.  I’m so very happy.  And I also wake up feeling 22 (except for my hip and my hamstrings after a show day.  They feel 82).

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There are, however,  a few things that betray my real age.  In the past 5 months I’ve started sprouting a good handful of snow white hair at my crown! It looks as if I dyed my hair and they are starting to grow out but I haven’t.  Also, wrinkles on my forehead.  At first I was horrified because I thought they were frown wrinkles but they actually appear because I’m always pulling these silly faces that scrunch it up.  But they’re quite deep.  I don’t possibly have the patience to retouch all of my photos so I guess I just have to own up to them.  I’ve tried putting bio oil on my head but I’m not convinced you can reverse wrinkles.  Maybe just slow them down a bit. But, my dirty little secret is that I actually love both of these things.  They make me feel real.  They remind me that although I feel like I just started my 20’s, that I actually lived that decade to gills.  I sucked the life out of every second.  Hell, I barely slept.  I made really bad decisions and kept on living.  I crashed 5 cars. And 1 motorcycle.  I turned in an average of 6 W2’s every year.  I lived in Singapore, China and Japan.  And Los Angeles for 5 years.  I maintained a best friend.  I broke up with people and got dumped and cried my eyes out and bought a fish and a then a dog on rebound.  I earned my wrinkles and my condescending sigh when I see the young ones around me heading straight for trouble.  I love those forehead creases, I love my white hairs.  Botox be damned, I’m going to make these the new sexy.

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